December 12, 2009
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If there’s anything I can do to help…..
A week ago last Wednesday I had a tumor removed from one of my parathyroid glands. Not a big deal and definately not cancerous, but it involved a 4 inch incision in my neck, closed with 13 staples. I looked like the bride of frankenstein! The plan was to come home and be pampered by my husband for a week or so. I was released from the hospital the next day and began my healing.
A couple of days later, on Saturday, my husband (melfamy on xanga) went on about a 3 mile hike in the morning and then came home to nap. He woke from the nap with chest pains. It turned out to be a heart attack. To make a long story short, he ended up with 2 heart catherizations and 2 stents to hold open the artery that was 80% blocked. He finally got out of intensive care today and hopefully will be home tomorrow.
Throughout this whole ordeal, I have heard from many friends and family members “If there’s anything I can do to help….”
Since it’s just the 2 of us (and our 3 pets), there really isn’t much for anyone to do. I spent most of my time running back and forth between home and the hospital, but I didn’t have to worry so much about feeding kids or anything (dogs are much easier!), so I kept telling them I really didn’t need anything. One neighbor kept sending food down for me and another came over one day and waited for a repairman for me. Those were very nice things. And one day my sister brought her kids over to walk my dogs, which the dogs (and I) really appreciated!
But this one friend has repeatedly said to just ask if he can help. I have told him every single time that the yard really needs raking and there are holes in the backyard that the dogs have dug that need to be filled. Now I’m mostly joking but I think if he was serious about helping, he would come do those things, right? I probably wouldn’t let him do it even if he did show up, but that’s beside the point.
It just makes me wonder how often we (myself included) have offered help, knowing it will be politely refused. Or if someone did ask us to come clean that toilet (a friend of mine actually offered to go that far for me!) or rake those leaves, would we do it?
Comments (11)
@MelFamy - no, silly man. I was sleeping most of the time you were “gallivanting”. You weren’t neglecting me at all. I love you, too!
Before anyone else mentions it, instead of gallivanting through the woods, I should have stayed home and waited on my princess. I love you baby, and you’ve been so very good to me these last few days
Interesting thoughts…I have always found that receiving food at the time of a death to be odd.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I think the food idea is the same for illness or death – it’s to keep the family from having to cook. The biggest problem I’ve seen there is that the family then has to figure out how to store all that food that nobody really feels up to eating at that time. People do mean well though.
good point. there is definitely a difference between a good intention and a good action
Yes, I forget about the good intentions. When one of my grandfathers died, my grandmother and my parents were overwhelmed with food. I think my grandma ended throwing so much away because it started to go bad.
Offering assistance and quietly hoping it won’t be needed is a practiced art; I won’t go into the details. // If I weren’t on the ‘wrong‘ side of the atlantic I’d level your yard, for my own pleasure. I just love shovels, ha. And this time, oddly, you may need to specify ‘low-cholesterol’ meals-on-wheels. The truly well-meaning will rise to the challenge/ mission impossible.
Our neighbor that’s feeding us is the woman from Iraq. Her meals are mostly chicken, rice, veggies and a variety of delicious herbs all put together in a beautiful dish. Or soup….she makes the best soup. I’m hoping it’s ok for him to eat at least every now & then. We are doing the ground turkey instead of ground beef and checking sodium levels on everything. Being careful would have been a lot easier if we’d learned to do it earlier in our lives!
You two have really had a rough couple of weeks…when it rains, it pours. I’m just glad that you have each other to comfort. Take care of yourselves and get well soon. -April
@AprilsPlace - Thanks so much…..they say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so we just got a whole lot stronger!
Seriously, I definately thank God and Greg’s doctor for saving his life. From what they tell me, it was really close. Hopefully we will never have to go through anything like this again. : )
@joiwinds - Yes, I hope you don’t either. And I do agree that adversity makes us stronger people. I always think of metal being tempered in fire. It’s just so unfortunate that both your illnesses struck at the same time. Neither of you could really be strong for the other since you were both down.